Life Skills

Living Wakes

Many people are familiar with the concept of making a Living Will (or Advance Care Directive). By promoting Living Wakes, Soul Talks introduces a positive and celebratory approach to end of life.

Here are some examples for introducing the topic to those who are approaching end of life from age or disease. Examples are for wording an invitation:

• To a parent: “As your children (child) we want to celebrate your life and we want you to join us ….”

• To a spouse/partner: “The years we have had together are worthy of a celebration – let’s create a memory!”

• To a special friend: “The thread of life has woven us together for a reason. I suggest we plan to celebrate before the thread breaks?”

• Your own invitation: “Nothing would give me greater pleasure than to be together one more time. Please come to my Living Wake…”

• Aged care facility resident: “I feel the need to show my gratitude for the meaningful times. For this reason, I am planning to hold my Living Wake on this date…”

• Health care provider: “You have been with us for a period, and we seek to show our appreciation for our special connection. We invite you, your family and friends to attend a celebration of your life to be held on….”

The family discussion

Could go this way:

• Our parent/parents are getting on. Can we plan a celebration of their life while they can still hear it?

• There has been so much trauma and war in our family/tribe/race over the years and we are running out of time for healing. Can we plan to celebrate our small steps towards peace before time runs out?

• We have had our difference but in the larger scheme of things we share the same genes – can we give each other a wake to change the vibration?

• The parents of a seriously ill child may send an invite to a Living Wake with these words:
  No one knows when time for living in a physical body will end. In case the doors shut for our child, we invite you to our celebration of what we have already shared.

• Seize the day! As souls we have travelled through many lifetimes and now have a reason to celebrate. Let’s celebrate that we made it this far!

In this Soul Talk video, Dr Tom Nehmy outlines an incredible discovery, his plans to investigate the phenomenon further, and the remarkable potential it holds.

ABOUT THE PRESENTER:

Dr Tom Nehmy is an award-winning clinical psychologist, researcher, speaker and author. He is interested in all aspects of wellbeing including preventing psychological disorders, healing grief, and reducing death anxiety.

He is the author of the book Apples for the Mind: Creating emotional balance, peak performance and lifelong wellbeing.

“Fears around death, dying, and the deep sadness of bereavement, are a significant burden on many in our society - in terms of mental health, wellbeing and overall quality of life. But might it be possible to eliminate death anxiety and rapidly heal the deep sadness of grief? A revolutionary but relatively obscure approach developed in the USA by clinical psychologist Dr Allan Botkin could hold the answer. It involves both processing sadness and facilitating a sense of reconnection with the deceased.”

– Dr Tom Nehmy

The story

Joy Nugent who is the founder of Soul Talks and a private palliative care nurse for three decades, recalls that this idea came from the family of a ninety-year-old woman who was dying in a nursing home. One son had organised a birthday party for her and proudly told Joy how his mother had enjoyed hearing the story of her life which was read at the event.

Joy remembers the day the woman died and recalled that she was certainly, and uncannily, at peace. She had chosen the nightdress she would wear after her shower that morning and reported to Joy that she felt this was her special day. She bravely whispered goodbyes to her interstate and country family on the telephone before falling asleep. This frail elderly woman seemed to have an intuitive, or non-rational soul knowing, that it was her time.

Joy comforted the family with the reassurance that her role as a palliative care nurse was to honour the process in a non-judgemental way and to keep the atmosphere calm and loving knowing that palliative care neither hastens nor postpones death. It was a deep sleep and one that would end some hours later. She recalled that as the room filled with family, the elderly woman took her last breath.

The way this woman left this physical life could only be described as a good and timely death. The family wished that more people could have the same experience.

Joy Nugent’s book Your Life Your Way – practical tips and reflections if full of ideas on how to prepare for end of life. Available from the Soul Shop for $40 (free postage).